I’ve been thinking about this for a while now and just thought I’d share some thoughts. I’m all up for discussion :)

Being Filipino and having a lot of Filipino people in my social circles, I’ve been to a lot of debuts. If you don’t know what a debut is, it’s basically a “sweet sixteen” for Filipino girls at the age of eighteen, where a daughter is presented by her family as an adult woman. As with most “coming-of-age” ceremonies for girls, its tradition held that the girl was being presented as a bachelorette by her family. Of course, with changing societies and the average age of marriage becoming higher in Westernized societies, this part of the tradition does not hold as strictly, but the idea of the girl being presented as a woman continues in debutante celebrations today.

There are many ceremonial events and traditional aspects of the debut that are still practiced today in the debutante celebration. Most consist of having 18 roses and candles (in where there are 18 women with candles who offer words of wisdom for womanhood and birthday wishes to the debutante, and 18 men with roses who offer to dance with the debutante and share their greetings during their dance), 18 treasures (where 18 ‘treasures’ with meanings of virtues and providence are given to the debutante by families or sponsors), and having a debutante party of 18 people including the debutante (therefore 9 men and 8 women) who perform dances and accompany the debutante during the celebration.

Besides the debutante and the family of the debutante having much of the focus, it is the debutante’s male escort who receives much attention during the debut. They are at the side of the debutante for the majority of the event and are expected to offer support for the debutante in the reception and attention to guests. Some debutantes choose not to have an escort, yet there is still a large percentage of the population that do.

Now, here’s something that I think of escorts. I, personally, never had a debut - my baby niece was due on the same weekend of my birthday - but I maintain that if ever I were to have a debut, a proper selection should be made in the escort.

I like to keep in mind that the debut is primarily a birthday celebration for the debutante and the debutante alone. Although debuts can have as much extravagance as a wedding, it is NOT a wedding. Debut attendees are meant to focus on the debutante as the most important person in the room, not the debutante and her escort. If debut attendees see the couple as the most important figure, much of the traditional aspect of “wooing” and “suitors” is lost (though as aforementioned, does not really hold in a debut in a Western society), but it in essence becomes a celebration of the couple and not the debutante. 

In accordance with that, I would also not choose my boyfriend or significant other to be my escort. Heaven forbid that if you were to breakup with your boyfriend and look back at your debut, you would see yourself in hundreds of pictures with someone that doesn’t hold the same importance to you. I would choose a man (besides my dad) that would have been in my life the longest as a constant support and friend. In this way, the “romanticism” of the debut is not evident. The debut is not supposed to be romantic (again, with the loss of suitors in modern debuts). With the stressful endeavors that a debutante has to go through with the day, it would only be suitable that a person who could offer constant support for the debutante would be the escort. For me, that exception is made when that person who has been a long-lasting support system for you and will continue that support is your boyfriend, but it should be a constant mindset that the debut is not about the couple, it is about the debutante.

Ladies, I’m not telling you to leave your boyfriends out of the celebration, or limit yourselves to escort-candidates you haven’t been in a relationship with. Whether you agree with my opinions or not, I still hold that you should choose your escort wisely. Who’s a male friend of yours that has been a great friend to you? A cousin? A classmate? Who’s someone that could help you keep on top of tasks during the planning and celebration of your birthday? The honor of having an escort is as much of an honor to the escort themselves… you’re essentially telling them that they have been significantly supportive in your life for a long time, and that you’d like them to be by your side, continuing that same support throughout the debut. Call it a male maid-of-honor, if you will.

PS. Potential-escorts who can dance should always get a +1! Just saying. 

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edit: I just wanted to clarify what I meant by my post-script (PS) - having an escort who is a talented dancer is always a benefit. It obviously helps for dances that you may perform with your escort or entourage, and it also helps to get your party started if the escort’s on the dancefloor; however, I think that the ability to dance should be the LAST check mark on your list for candidates. Showing off a good two-step and a waltz with you, the debutante, is not as important as being supportive, trustworthy, and dedicated to the planning of your celebration. I knew a lot of girls who made their first picks from guys who were good dancers, which unfortunately, and more often than not, shoos away a good handful of potential escort candidates. Best of luck in planning, debutantes!